teamzaylor (teamzaylor) wrote,

The Bodyguard - Chapter 17


Chapter: 17
Rating: Nc-17
POV: Taylor
About the Story: The death of their parents broke Taylor and Zac apart. Each of them went his own way of life, Taylor became a famous superstar and never thought that his profession would bring his life in danger someday. Blade (Zac) buried the past and lived his life contentedly in his dark and dirty world as a pimp. Because of some unexpected circumstances Blade got hired as Taylor's bodyguard and the brothers saw each other for the first time after almost a decade. How will they find a way to each other again after the past had put thick walls between them?

Authors Notes: Hey guys thanks for your constancy of reading. Chapter 17 is for probably the last Chapter for the next weeks, but we will update as soon as possible again and keep you updated! Thank you everyone who reads & comments ♥♥

PS.: Please use the Chapter Overview or our inserted Links which will forward you to the next Chapter in the right order.

previous Chapter 16                                                                                                                                                               next Chapter 18


For the first time, I had found a little innerly peace with the company of Zac's dog on my lap and him watching Cartoons. As I sat there and watched him, I slowly realized that Skye was right when he said that I should give my brother a chance.

I still wasn't sure of Zac's intentions when he confined me to the bed and took away my things, but I also knew that I wouldn't be here anymore if he didn't do that. Only because of my brother's precautions, I was still here.

Somehow, Blade seemed to know what to do without needing a conversation. I realized that I had to make a decision for myself. A decision to try to ignore his vulgarities, at least for a while.

Because what most mattered was that, he obviously made his job and really tried to keep me away from committing suicide. Even if he wouldn't talk with me about our past, maybe I could at least somehow show him that I'm not the picture of the person of whom he thought I was... if he was still interested in getting to know more about me at all...

To be honest, I wasn't sure if I could ever get used to the fact that my little brother would protect me, but I also knew that I owed Zac to give him a chance. Like back then, he still had a better body frame than me. He used to play around a lot before and was a natural at sports. At present time, I didn't know him well enough, I couldn't asses his strength. All I knew about him were the few things that Skye had told me about him. Basing to Skye's assertions, he was skilled, intelligent and strong. But even if Zac was stronger than me, he was nowhere near a Hercules.

Well, for now, I knew that I would have to learn trusting him when he was working for me. I already sensed that it would be a hard road, but maybe someday, I would find a way back to him... back to being a family with him and us being brothers again..

With all the despise that was left from his side, I wasn't sure if to fight for a reconciliation was realistic at all. I knew that no matter how much I wished I could turn back time, nothing could bring back the old times anymore, but my brother deserved that I at least tried and not run away like a fucking coward again, like I had done nine years before.

I had to learn to face my brother and the past, even if I didn't know yet how I could find the strength in trying and if I would ever see a sense in living again. But Zachary had deserved that I at least tried to make up after all.

Even if the feelings of guilt would never leave me...

I remembered when he was younger, he used to be a wild, crazy little devil who loved to drive everyone up the walls and could be unbearable to everyone. He had always been very stubborn and half assed apologies never worked with Zachary Walker Hanson. He was a typical little troublemaker, he liked to fight a lot. He liked to do stupid things, run around and have fun. When I got the news that he was in an army education, it was no surprise for me. I always thought his way might be something like that. He loved to play with toy guns and rifles since he was a little boy.

I continued stroking the fur of his black dog who seemed to like me somehow. I remembered that Skye said his name is Bandito. It felt nice for me to have someone around who enjoyed my company, even when it's just a dog.

A few peaceful minutes passed in silence until I heard Skye's voice upstairs in the hallway, calling for me.

"I'm here," I shouted back to him. I made sure not to be too loud, because I didn't want to scare Bandito away.  As Skye came down the stairway and saw that a dog was sitting on my lap, he covered his hand over his mouth and exclaimed

"Oh my god, the monster dog is back!"

I heard my brother snorting scornfully about that, without turning his attention away from the TV.

"No, Skye, he's not a monster. He's friendly, see?"

I assured him. "He seems to like me."

"Must be his bad day." The indifferent voice from my brother heckled, but this time it didn't interest me anymore.

I knew that I had to try to focus on the fact that he saved my life without telling me about his actions.
And trying to believe in my optimistic instinct that his intentions weren't bad, no matter how naive it may sound.

"I don't know Tay, he looks dangerous for me, I'm not used to the company of dogs.." Skye still hesitated to come down closer.

"Coz he rather spend his time on cocksucking!" My brother ended.

God, he was such an asshole. He had reasons to hate me, but why did he have to pick up at Skye that much? When did my brother became a homophobic? Couldn't he deal with gay men? I didn't know what to do to make the situation better, so I mouthed a 'sorry' to Skye to apologize about my younger brother's immature behavior, but he motioned a never mind gesture with his hands to me.

"No worries Tay, I can handle that. Shall we go upstairs to get you some clothes?"

He almost whispered, so that the sound of the TV would be louder than his voice, probably to not provide Zac new ammunition for his next insult.

I nodded and shoved his dog from my lap as carefully as possible. Then I stood up, took Skye's hand and we walked upstairs together. I heard Zac shamelessly burping in the background.

We went back to my bedroom where Skye immediately began to clear out my wardrobe like usual. He was always in his element when it comes to clothes and styling. Usually, we shared this interest but currently I didn't know how to handle anything.

"I made a few calls Tay, but the press is going crazy already because of the tour cancel. I have to arrange your matters personally. Do you think I can let you alone with your brother for a few hours? I don't know how long it will take, but I can't cancel everything by phone. The press expects a personal statement..."

He talked and talked and I sat there on my bed while I still felt as if I was in a different world. I was very thankful to Skye that he cared about my business matters, I always knew that he was the right person for being my manager.

Eagerly, he pulled out one of my best black suits out of my wardrobe and suddenly I was faced with the feelings of guilt again.

"Skye, please don't get me wrong but I'm not in the mood to wear a black suit today. It's like wearing a flagship for the death of my family. Please give me something else, ok?"

"Sorry Taylor, I didn't want to make you feel bad all the more... I guess it's hard for me to understand what you are currently going through."

Somehow, his careful behavior made the situation even harder for me. I knew he meant it well, but his steady consideration reminded me even more about the real facts.

I guess I always tried to escape my mind from things which were too hard for me to deal with...
And that's probably a big part why I loved being a musician that much. It gives me the possibility to distract myself with music from all the mess and bad things in my life.

I was glad that Skye was here and cared about my business matters. I appreciated his company, but I was somehow relieved a little that he would leave me alone for a few hours.

"No worries Skye, my brother is now here, so there is no hurry when you have to go."


He took my hand and squeezed it lightly.

I nodded. "Yeah sure."

He sighed relieved and his expression clearly lighted up after that.

He went back into the wardrobe and came back with a grey suit.

"How about that?"

"No, some jeans and a shirt will do it."

"You are such a perfectionist Taylor." He giggled jokingly which caused me to smile a little, coz I knew that Skye also could be like that.

He finally gave me something normal to wear before he began to bubble again.

"You know what? Why don't you come over to me and Eagle Eye this evening for a few drinks? Eagle Eye will be there for us and Blade might have some free time for his private life in the meantime. What do you think?"

"Sounds good to me." I answered. Skye was probably right about that to not push Zac and me against each other too much. I had no idea what Zac did in his private life, but I knew that I couldn't leash him around the clock. And I also knew that I could trust Andrew and that he would take good care of us in the meantime.

"Awesome." He squealed almost, "I will see you this evening then?"

"Sure, I will come over for some drinks." Skye and Andrew were living only a fifteen minute walk away from here and we often spent evenings together, even more after Natalie and my relationship slowly broke apart. Skye and Andrew were such a great couple and friends, I always enjoyed their company and it never felt awkward with them. They always appreciated my company and never gave me the feeling that I was too close between them. Skye has been my closest friend to me for the last six years.

His gayness was never a problem between us. Actually, I kind of envied Skye and Andrew that they lived out their sexuality without having problems at all about it.

I put the clothes on that he gave me and took the picture of Natalie and me away from her nightstand afterwards to avoid getting haunted by visions of her reproaching stare towards me anymore. Then I took a pair of my sunglasses and used them as a headband on my forehead for the case the emotions might break over me again that I could hide my ruddy eyes.

We were about to go downstairs when I asked Skye if he knows anything about Zac and what kind of job he had, because I hoped to find out a little more about my brother's private life but Skye negated the question.

He made a coffee for me before he left, then I was alone with the burping thug on my couch.


It was about time to speak with Zachary about some things, so I worked up all the courage that I had, walked into the Living room and sat down next to him.

"Hey hey hey, not that close fucking bitch!" He barked in my direction and motioned me to shift away a bit.

I rolled my eyes unobtrusively and moved away a bit. Whatever, I would try it the diplomatic way, like I had planned. There were a few things which were swirling on my mind, of which I hoped to get answers from him.

"Blade can we talk?" I didn't know how else to begin...

He continued staring blank into the TV without looking at me.

"There is nothing to talk except business."

"What did Inspector Wright tell you yesterday?" I remembered that it kind of confused me that Inspector Whatever who was such an asshole towards me seemed so nice to my brother.

"He said you are not fucking allowed to leave the state and I should keep a close eye on you."

"What? Why did he say that?" I stared at him in disbelief but he kept a straight face.

"Seems that he thinks that you have committed a contract person to kill your bitch."

What the fuck did he say there?!?

"My wife was pregnant!" I shouted, I couldn't hold back my emotions anymore. He sat there like an emotionless, vacuous robot like from the video games he used to play when he was younger while telling me that I was a murderer?!?

"And there you have your motive." He retorted indifferently.

I swallowed.

How could he dare to say something mean like that? How the fuck could he be so indifferent? Why did no one tell me about that?

"Do you really believe that?" I asked him in disbelief, while a hard lump in my throat built up and made it almost impossible for me to speak more.


"What I believe or not doesn't fucking matter. All I know is that you don't have a problem to stop at nothing for your music career."

It was sad that what he said was right. He must have came to that opinion about me after I moved out and with knowing that I still made music after our parent's death.

I didn't have the strength for another discussion.

Why didn't he let me just die in peace instead of hurting me like that?

I was too much taken aback about his cold, indifferent behaviour that I was surprised when he talked to me again. I thought he didn't want to speak to me anymore.

"We have to buy some stuff for your house to install, so you better have your credit cards ready."

I nodded silently 'cause I didn't want to experience more of his coldness.

How the fuck should this work between us?

I had no idea to be honest. Instead of getting to know anything about him, the distance between us grew even farther.

We left the house a short while later, Blade opening the car door for me. I was having a problem opening it, so he came to my side, and opened it with hardly any effort at all.  "Has a tendency to stick."  He said.

"I see." I mumbled before I climbing into the passenger seat of his
black Lamborghini, a typical pimp car, our mother would have said. Both of us didn't talk a single word as we drove to the DIY market. Even as we had reached our destination the cold iceberg of silence didn't break.
Blade shoved the cart through the aisles of the market, took some things here and there and tossed them indifferently into the cart without looking on prices.

The first thing he took was a well-resourced toolbox, better than the one that I had at home. Apparently, Zac still knew that I never was really a technical person. Back then, I had rather spent my teenage days with reading books, decorating and furnishing rooms besides my main passion for the music. Zachary on the other hand had built up a whole tree house in the garden with our father together at the age of fifteen already...

Emotionless he threw some monitoring camera's and new doorlocks in the cart. After that, I suddenly found myself in the computer department with him and our cart filled with an X-Box console and a random selection of different X-Box games.

"Err, do you really need all of that?" I asked, a little confused about what he was doing.

Obviously he still didn't grow out of his video games obsession. We had sometimes played together when we were younger, but it was doubtable that he was still interested in playing video games with me.


"No talking, Blondie, stop asking questions and look pretty like you think you are. Let me handle my fucking business and shut the fuck up." He tossed some more video games in the cart, pushed against it and walked past me.

What a fucking respectless dick he was! He didn't even work one whole day for me and was already pushing me to the edge. I was thinking about how many ass kicks he had deserved from our parents if they would have heard how he was talking with me. I clenched my fists and tried my best to swallow my upcoming anger.

I knew that we were in public, so I always had to expect getting photographed by the media or fans. That's why making a scene in front of him was out of question for me at this point.
Furthermore, I definitely wanted to keep it a secret that my little brother protected me! I was really glad that my uncivilized brother was a stranger to the public and I wasn't planning to change that. But as much as hard to bear his indifferent, expressionless behaviour was, I knew that I had to try to fight for a reconcilation.

Underneath his cool exterior, I hoped that Zachary still had a heart somewhere deep buried in his soul...

Good thing he chose a classy DIY shop without many customers.

"You're such a dick...." Apparently, I wasn't able to stop myself from saying that anyway. He wasn't the only person who could bitch around whenever he wanted to!

"What else is new?! I already know that. Good that you dumb Blonde finally noticed it. For your info, I already killed people for less money who couldn't shut the hell up, so you should better be careful what you're saying."

He walked past me again. He began acting ridiculous. Sure, I didn't know anything about him and his current live but it was hard to imagine for me that my brother already killed people. What the hell was he talking about? I didn't understand him at all. I knew that he didn't want a conversation with me but asking questions were necessary sometimes. How else could I get to know anything more about my brother's life..?!

How the fuck could he actually be so mean at people if he really said the truth!?
I never met a person like him before, that's for sure. I sighed. My questions remained unanswered again.

I wasn't sure if my younger brother was just talking bullshit or if he said the truth, but somehow my innerly intuition told me that it was better not to push him too far at this point before the situation would escalate between us. I forced myself to remind of Skye's words that he was sure that I would find a way to him, he knew that I was a peacemaker.

So instead of getting hurt even more, I followed him without asking more questions until we were finished with this shopping trip.

I paid an enormous sum for the stuff but that wasn't important to me. It meant much to me that Zachary would hopefully get a different picture of me someday and would not always see me as a ruthless person who is only focussed on making blood money.

We walked back to his black pimp car and drove back home without exchanging more insults or any other talk.

Currently, I didn't even feel a sense of being safe honestly, all I felt was just being a useless shell. And if he wouldn't change his cold behaviour, I wasn't sure how much more I could bear, before I would break down completely honestly.

The longer we drove, the more it became harder for me to hold back my tears with the icy atmosphere between us which will possibly remain forever.

I had to think about my wife and my innocent unborn child again and couldn't avoid to let out a whimper.

When we were back and he parked his car in front of my house, I tried again. I just had to. The situation was unbearable to me.

"Zac... why are you so mean to me?" I used his real name for the first name, not to disrespect him but just to let him know that I wanted to speak about us.

Before I knew what was going on, he turned to me and grabbed my neck in one tight grasp and my chin in his other hand. With one rough move, he pulled my head in front of the rear view mirror that I didn't have another choice than to look at myself and into my wet eyes through my long blond messy hair strains. I whimpered in his powerful grasp.

Shocked on his sudden outbreak of violence I tried to get out of his grasp but it was futile. I realized he was still stronger than me. Suddenly he began to yell at me like he never did before.


"Do you see this Taylor? Look at you, look at your fucking fucked up face in the damn mirror and your pathetic being. THIS WAS ME NINE YEARS AGO! Don't you dare ever ask me again or you will regret it you fucking bitch! Be assured you'll be sorry if you ever call me Zac again! And now get your fucking slut butt out of my damn car, fucking Barbie!!"

With that, he gave me a hard, hate-filled push and with a derisive snort he let go of me. He got out of the car and furiously slammed the door behind him. I could see his vigor in the way he walked across the street and waited in front of the door for me with crossed arms.

I whimpered frightened by his explosion and sat there for a minute or longer in a total daze.

Quite obviously this was an appearance of his pent-up anger towards me. He probably thought I was a total wimp because I get intimidated very easily. I worry a lot and when someone yells at me or show hostility towards me I will begin to tremble because of anxiety.

I didn't know how intimidating Zachary could be when he wanted to. It was scary that I couldn't help to break into shivers. I was trembling and tears welled up into my eyes instantly. I felt so vulnerable around Zac. But not only because of his words and actions but because of guilt. Instead of being angry, I got more guilty. I shouldn't have left nine years ago.

How could I expect him to be there for me when I wasn't there for him in the same situation?

I failed as a big brother who supposed to be taking good care of him and now I expected him to do the job which I supposed to be doing?! It was only understandable that my behaviour just made him even more angry.

Growing up, Zac and I were as different as brothers could be. In my teenage years I was introvert and skinny while Zac was confident and a sugar-addicted little devil. He already outweight me in his early puberty years. I used to spend more time reading in my bedroom than playing outside, I was very shy and a dreamer.


Zac, on the other hand, was outgoing and self-confident, good looking and a natural at sports. He was wild, crazy and outgoing even among boys who were my age and older. It wasn't unusal that he was wearing the same pair of jeans for three days in a row, soaked in dried mud with a layer of wet mud on top every time he came home from his boy adventure games. We got along, but he had a talent for teasing me and always needed things at which he could riot his vehement character.


In spite of his crazy antics, I always knew that Zachary was loyal to our family. He was like a ticking time bomb, ready to beat everyone who would dare to say something bad about one of us, as if he grew up with a protective instinct when it comes to our family.

Even though he acted like he wasn't taking no one seriously and being disrespectful towards everyone, I knew that he was serious, level-headed and self-controlled when it comes to reaching his goals.

Sometimes he was hard to read even that time when we were young. But the funny thing was that, he was adorable like that,
coz he also could make you laugh so hard until you got stomachaches. With Zachary it had never been boring, he could cheer you up within seconds with his jokes and clowning around.

And I knew that people liked him for being him.

One thing he could always hold over me was that, he was stronger than me, physically and emotionally. Zac at young age, was already strong. He was always the strong one and sometimes I kind of envied him for that.

When puberty set in, I was pretty clueless about sex. Our parents raised us religiously and didn't talk with us about things like that. I became looking girlier and girlier during my teenager years and other boys began to treat me like that. While Zachary's wild, vehement character made it easy for him, me, on the other hand was introverted in those years, so I mostly stayed in my own little world and sang my own songs. Looking back, we grew up very different compared to each other, but  that didn't mean we were unhappy. Because we had us and our family. Maybe because we were bound by blood, we were brothers, so there was this close connection between us that no one could break.

Sadly, that connection didn't exist anymore. Back then, we could both laugh at situations by just looking in the eyes of each other. Now, I could hardly look into his eyes. All I could see were anger and despise.

Apparently, Zac still knew how much I hated to get insulted as a girl, bitch or whatever. Zachary knew very well how many jokes I had experienced in my teenage years about my girly look and he knew that I hated it when he also treated me like those idiots. Until today he never said something mean to me like that.

But those were just the unimportant minor matters in a situation like this for me. I knew I had no right to be mad with Zachary, coz he just showed me how much pain he had to endure and I suddenly realized how painful it must have been for him.

But why was he still here even though he hated me that much? What was his secret of the favor he talked  about doing for someone...? Did he sell his soul?!? If he really hates me that much, then why does he have to protect me?

I was unable to make head nor tail of his actions. With his behaviour, I could only imagine that it must have been something criminal.

I sat there like a total mess in his car and cried silently.


After he kept me away from my suicide attempt in the morning, I thought that there might be a last ray of hope left that he cared about me, at least a little...

But with his behaviour, he just showed me all the more how wrong I was.

Now he forced me to face the reality without allowing me to escape and die. Everything that I've done wrong in the past was now being put back at me. He just showed me his own pain in my reflection in the mirror.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks away with my sleeves because I suddenly felt that I didn't have the right to cry in front of him anymore. I had to bury my feelings because I had no right to open them up to him.

He was just here to keep me away from danger. Doing his job and fulfill the favor for someone like he was talking about, nothing more.

And that was everything which was left between us.

Complete emptiness.

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Chapter Overview: Link
Tags: dave grohl, fan fiction, foo fighters, hancest, hanfic, hanson, jaco van den hoven, nirvana, rafael cardoso, taylor hanson, the bodyguard, zac hanson, zaylor
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